Start over, fail again

I was feeling better, but never complete.
Something was missing, keeping me from happiness.
A new start that's what it takes.
A new place, new people, accepting the past, living the present.
I moved. I had to anyway.
Didn't know anybody, but didn't mind.
I started over, just like that.
Everything was alright. Even in a city which frightened me.
The memories I feared, stayed away.
I even started to feel safe.
I opened up to new friends, just a little to much.
I told them what I wanted.
Even tried to get it. Believing nothing bad could happen.
Believing you saying no could be the worst thing to happen.
But I forgot, who I used to be.
I tried to believe in me, but when you said no,
all I could do was not to cry, just for the moment.
And in my head the thoughts started again.
Everything suddenly went back to what it used to be.
Almost. I almost managed to love myself.
Almost managed to believe in myself.
Almost thought somebody else might be able to do that, too.
But in the end i just almost hate myself.
This time it will be harder to hide.
This time people realized I'm hurt.
Hiding is easy. Admitting is hard.
But I guess for the first time I have to actually face what I feel.
And first of all I have to admit: I'm scared.
And just for one moment, I feel worthless yet again.